Day 12 of 365 . . . prompt word: you
So I have a confession to make. The actual word prompt for today is “A Stranger”. But I was unable to get that image (I will be able to get it tomorrow), so I decided to switch tomorrow’s prompt for today.
“You” . . . dreadful!
I hate having my picture taken let alone doing a self-portrait!!! But I sucked it up and tried to embrace the project by the horns. I pulled over to the side of the road and grabbed my husband’s aviators. I always feel awkward taking my own picture. How should I pose? Should I pose? Maybe I can take a picture of just my feet. Or zoom in on my glasses (which I love — I will probably blog about them before the year’s end) and really not have me in the picture at all, but a little part of me.
No. I knew I needed to face this one head on, suck it up and take the shot. I’m not sure why I don’t like taking my own picture. You see sites like Flickr and Instagram that are loaded with selfies. Why can’t I just snap away and pick my favourite?
I think it is because for the last 13 or 14 years I didn’t like who I was. I had packed on a lot of weight. I was embarrassed any time I saw someone had tagged me in a picture on Facebook (I would immediately remove the tag). I had fallen out of love with myself.
But this past December I started a weight-loss program. I started moving more and making smarter food choices. Getting up at the crack of dawn to run. It’s been worth it. I’ve lost 35 pounds so far (I still have a way to go to get to my goal weight). And before that, about three years ago, I had lost another 20 pounds. So I guess from my heaviest weight, I’ve dropped 55 pounds which I do not intend on picking up again.
So today, after I snapped the picture of myself, I really did not recognize myself. I, in fact, have become a stranger to myself. I look at pictures from when I was my heaviest and it makes me sad I let myself get like that. It has been a hard job taking it off, but worth every step on the treadmill. I now look forward to running and moving. I no longer dread kicking the soccer ball with my daughter or hitting the volleyball back and forth. I look forward to it because I know I have been renewed.
I often want to delete the old pictures of me. But I know I can’t because they will motivate me to never return to where I was. I think that’s why I liked my image today. I looked happy and healthy. I looked like a girl who loves who she is becoming.
Have you ever struggled with your weight? Or maybe you still are struggling.